Can We Talk?

Kevin Naff has a pretty convincing editorial running in the Washington Blade this week. It centers on what the running mate selections of Senators Obama and McCain mean to their campaigns, our government, and issues of equality.

There are lots of good points in the piece, and you should take the time to read it.

I do take issue - slightly - with Naff's assessment of the mention of LGBT issues in Obama's acceptance speech:

Obama’s own mention of gay issues during his historic and captivating acceptance speech was disappointing. He said gays deserve the right to visit their partners in the hospital. Gee, thanks, Barack. But gay Democrats are by now accustomed to breadcrumbs. Am I the only one who thinks it appalling that politicians continue to ask us for money and votes while relegating the important subject of our right to equality under the law to a footnote in a speech? They dole out basic rights — like hospital visitation — piecemeal each year in the hopes of keeping us on the hook.

I'm an enthusiastic Obama supporter. But as an advocate, I was also sitting in the audience at Mile High listening with critical ears. And what I heard was remarkable.

Those who know me know how often I press Democrats on the same argument that Naff makes. The mission of Stonewall Democrats is to elect more pro-equality Democrats, but it is also to make Democrats better.

I have to take slight disagreement with Naff over his assessment of the mention of hospital visitation rights. In the part of the speech where such rights were mentioned, Senator Obama was not proposing specific policy. Rather, he was making an argument about the arguments and steps we take to build support for crucial issues.

By admitting that "we may not agree on same-sex marriage" we saw Senator Obama pivot away from the unfortunate Democratic talking points of past election cycles (such as "I value everybody, but I believe that marriage is between a man and a woman.").

Obama's statement - the first from a Democratic nominee - recognizes that same-sex marriage is something concrete, or as Senator Biden has admitted, is "inevittable." The argument now isn't over whether or not same-sex marriage should exist, but how we recognize the reality in states like California and Massachusetts.

Mentioning hospital visitation wasn't a proposal of policy, but a way of identifying a step that all Americans can take. It is the same process that I have personally used among friends who are conservative evangelicals.

Many people don't know that, before I came out, I used to preach in the most socially conservative churches - mostly Pentecostal. The congregations were the backbone of the ant-gay movement.

When I came out, I left the Pentecostal church. However, I maintained personal friendships with many leaders in that movement. They didn't agree with me on same-sex marriage, but when I asked "Should a gay American have the legal right to visit their partner in the hospital?" almost all would answer "Yes."

From that position, we would talk about the right to go to work, to rent an apartment, without the fear of legal discrimination. I was always amazed at the number of social conservatives who would walk down that argument with me agreeing, usually noting "You're right. I hadn't thought about it from that standpoint."

All those conversations with socially conservative friends began by using hospital visitation rights as an illustration. They usually ended up with the acknowledgement by my friends that civil marriage for same-sex couples didn't frighten them as much as they had previously thought. A good number, including a leading anti-gay activist at the time, ended up supporting the legal freedom to marry even if they opposed it on moral grounds.

I'm glad that Naff is pressing on this point (and again, his editorial is about something much larger). We shouldn't be satisfied with breadcrumbs. But this speech wasn't about measuring out rights, but about positioning the American family to have the civil conversation about issues of equality that is desperately needed - and that has been constantly batted down by Republicans in order to inflame culture wars.

Let's use this opportunity to begin to talk.